Friday, October 31, 2008

Blogging Can Be a Bio Hazard

I wasn't actually blogging when this all went down. I was reading blogs. I was sitting on the lid of the toilet while The Two Year Old was in the bathtub. I pulled the see thru-ish shower curtain closed so she couldn't wet the laptop with one of her crazy splashing episodes. In fact, she was being quite calm this time (which is always a bad sign). I was so mesmerized by the blog I was reading, that I didn't notice the scratchy/prickly feeling on my right arm. I did notice the Spazzy Two Year Old laughing hysterically, and I thought she was laughing because she was poking my arm with her toy shark.
As moms are talented at ignoring children, I ignored the scratchy poke for about a minute. When I finished reading the particular post, I looked to the right to see what the baby was poking me with.

To my horror, it was this which made contact with my arm:






Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek! I screamed and leaped off the toilet, almost threw down the laptop, and grabbed that bio hazard away from her. She was laughing hysterically like a goon. I was saying words loudly like, "Nasty! Icky! Blechy! Poopy! Disgusting!" as I was looking for the holder to put it back. Where was the holder?!



I looked to the left of the toilet where I used to keep it (not now that I know it's within her reach when she's bathing.) It was nowhere to be found. She was shrieking with delight and splashing up a storm behind the shower curtain.
Noooooo, she couldn't have! I ripped back the curtain, only to see Spazzy bathing with the toilet brush holder, in bluish chunky-looking water.

Now in full fledged screaming mode, I yanked her out of the tub, pulled the plug and told her she was now the Bio hazard. I had to sterilize and sanitize myself, the baby and the tub.

But before you think that is the grossest thing you've ever heard, let me relate a story to you that my friend in France told me.

My friend babysat this girl who was at the time of the incident, 3 years old. Anyone who has been to France knows that each and every toilet in that country, in private homes or public toilets, has a toilet brush next to it in its holder and some cleaning agent.

My friend was at a restaurant with the child (who, as a side point, had to be the ugliest child I ever did see, and ugly attitude to match), who had to faire pipi. She took her potty, then as she was washing her own hands, turned to tell the child to "come on", only to see, quel horreur! that she had picked up the toilet brush holder and was gulping the last of the liquid it contained.

As this horror story has never left the forefront of my mind after all these years, I have told it so many times that I just knew something nasty was going to make its way back to me in the form of a payback. (Probably a payback for saying what an ugly child she was).


So the moral of this story? When my child is in the tub, I shall refrain from bringing the laptop in. Blogging can be fun, but also can have some nasty consequences.

I guess I shouldn't complain, after seeing this:




24 comments:

LORI said...

OH, TOO FUNNY! THANKS FOR STOPPING BY, AND WHAT THE HECK ARE WE STILL DOING UP?! I LOVE YOUR CHILD'S "LUNCH LADY" COMMENT--PRICELESS! (PARDON THE PUN...) WHEN MY SON WAS IN K AND DOING A MOM'S DAY PROJECT, HE WAS ASKED A SERIES OF QUESTIONS (YOU KNOW, THE TYPICAL STUFF). WHEN ASKED WHAT MOM LIKES TO WATCH ON T.V., HE TOLD THE TEACHER THAT I LIKED TO WATCH "GIRLY MOVIES". LUCKILY THE TEACHER WAS WELL SEASONED, AND HAD A GREAT SENSE OF HUMOR!!! THANKS FOR THE POTTY LAUGH, I THINK I'M GOING TO GO BATHE IN RUBBING ALCOHOL...JUST BECAUSE.

Cassoulet Cafe said...

Loir,
Thanks so much for stopping by! Yes indeed, what the heck ARE we still doing up??? (I get to sleep in tomorrow, actually!)
That is hilarious about what your son said.
And doesn't my post inspire you to sterilize yourself? :) Hope you don't have any cuts...ouch!
Night night

Ivy said...

Oh, I forgot to tell you that I added you in my big fat blogroll list and reader and I read this post as well. You are so talented in writing. As Schwarzenegger said: "I'll be back"!!

Paula said...

So funny and so very gross!
I agree blogging/reading blogs will now have to stay away from bath time. Have a wonderful weekend!

Tiffany said...

Oh yuck! don't you just wish you could bathe them in bleach after something like that?

Cris, Artist in Oregon said...

ROFL ..oh my. where do you find those videos. LOL I had to call Con in to watch it as he has worked on construction sites and he laughed and cringed at the same time.
oh dear. Good ole spazzy I can just see her. I think you have met your match in that wicked sense humor of hers...:)) I knew she had lots going on in that head of hers when she wasnt talking yet..Hee Hee

alexandra's kitchen said...

OH MY! That is so disgusting. the YouTube video, that is. And your story is too funny. Also alarming, but funny!

Completely Alienne said...

Whenever they go quiet you need to start worrying.

When our eldest was about 2 she was in the bath with her dad. He farted and she tried to copy - but she tried too hard and filled the bath with poo!! He never got in with her again for some reason.

Cassoulet Cafe said...

Lori..see I was way too tired to be posting...(I typed LOIR instead of LORI) lol

Cassoulet Cafe said...

Ivy,
I am so honored!!! (If I could say that in Greek, I would...maybe soon though!)
You have a fabulous blog and thank you for adding my little blog to it.
And each time I think of Arnold's "I'll be back" I also think of this one: ...."It's not a tumah" lol

Cassoulet Cafe said...

Paula,
I will try to have a wonderful, germ-free weekend, thank you :)

Tiffany,
I didn't say I DIDN'T bathe her in bleach....hahaha...just joking, I did not bathe her in bleach but I sure wished I could have :)

Cris,
I actually saw that video on America's Funniest Videos recently, so I searched for it on YouTube. So nassstay!

Alexandra,
Alarming, yes that is a good word to describe it. My screams were probably like sirens too :)

Cassoulet Cafe said...

Alienne,
I am ROFL, that is so funny! Thank you for sharing! And Spazzy also did that quite recently too. She was in the bath and said, "Mama wook, I fawted....haha...I fawted 'gain...I fawted 'gain....MOMMEEEEEEEE I pooped!"
Nasty.

La Belette Rouge said...

Dear, Corfu Cousin, that was the most disgustingly entertaining post I have ever read!!!!!I am too grossed out to laugh. I was drinking coffee when I got to the part about drinking the funky toilet bowl water. So, I am guessing you are giving out Haloweeny tricks over treats.;-)

I recommend to you those disposable toilet bowl cleaners. You flush them after you clean your bowl. No danger of it being turned into a bath brush.
xoxo
Samos Sis

Cassoulet Cafe said...

SS,
I am soooo very happy to have made you laugh...did you bucksnort? That would be the ultimate funny post compliment :)
I tried those disposable things, but I just didn't like them. I also don't like any sort of toilet brushes...ewwww.
I hate toilets.
Ok, I'm getting a little dramatic here, but the germiness of having posted this is making me ultra OCD right now. :)

thepreppyprincess said...

Oh My Gawwwwddddddd.

Oh My God.

OMG.

Thanks for sharing,

PS: I knew we were separated at birth.

PPS: You can call me anything you like. Maybe you can invent something new for us. (Me ,and um, well, ahh..., the others, you know. Wink-wink.) We just knew you would recognize the trauma and travails of dealing with our initials. Teepee? Peepee? Hello? Help?

PPPS: Happy, Happy Halloween

Cassoulet Cafe said...

Preppy...
I commented on your blog about this already, but again, howabout Pipi? It's French for PeePee :)

example: j'ai besoin de faire pipi

Cuz otherwise, I'm gonna keep accidentally writing PP, or TP, and well, pipi is much more elegant. lol

Fifi Flowers said...

Thank you for participating in my giveaway... sorry you didn't win... BUT starting the 5th... I will be having weekly giveaways
until the end of the year!
ENJOY your weekend!
Fifi

NeverADullMoment said...

Too funny and gross! You poor thing! Thanks for stopping by the other day! Come see me again some time!

~TessaScoffs said...

You are the queen of the non-boring blog! No middle of the road emotions here. When I read your blog, I am either laughing or sobbing. Strangely, both are quite enjoyable. Your toilet story reminded me of the time my toddler nephew held up a roach for my sister to see. With a bite out of it.

Cassoulet Cafe said...

Never a Dull Moment,
And likewise, thank YOU so much for stopping by! :)

Cassoulet Cafe said...

TESSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...I'm screaming and shivering and shaking! That has got to be THE worst roach story I've ever heard. And the reason I'm screaming is that I am TERRIFIED, and repulsed by roaches....BLEHHHHH....(do you sense some Roach Stories coming up?)
If my kid ate a roach, or part of one, I think I'd have to get a new kid.

Cassoulet Cafe said...

PS. TESSA:

I want to thank you so much for your WONDERFUL compliment :) I felt all warm and loved and happy...until I read the roach thing.
:)
Seriously, I am glad I am not boring to you, and I guess being a Drama Queen has its perks, eh?

Le laquet said...

Oh my goodness - totally disgusting ... as kids often are. Milton away I say ;o)

Insanity Kim said...

As you can see I am reading through your posts slowly, actually just as I can...

I about inhaled all the air in the room when I read that mean ugly child drank the blue goo! Oh my goodness!(sorry about your toilet brush incident, I know how you feel)

But after reading that, I don't feel QUIET as bad about Audrey eating the green piece of poo left behind our recliner by our crabby chihuahua, Paco, because he hated the children. Removing green poo from baby teeth is NOT easy, or fun.